Truer than true. I look at my children and I can not believe that they are here - 3 of them, beautiful, smart, hilarious, unique, creative, talented, they whine and complain, they are emotional, they throw fits, they don't do their chores, they love each other, they beat each other up. I wish that my body, our life, our world, was different. I wish that my mind and my physical/ mental issues were different. I would love to know 100 little baby Secor's and get to watch them learn, and change and grow.
Every little teeny weeny little triumph, success, milestone - whether mine, or the kids or my hubby - it all feels so huge and bubbly bursting and smiley inside me. Our moments of silliness and fun make the world outside disappear. Everything I thought that I ever wanted in a marriage - there is so very much more than what I could have imagined by being a part of a family.
It is a delicate balance - because we love deeply - we feel deeply. I've realized this recently when I found myself crying as I ran into the school valentines day party after a near miss on the babysitter which made me late and I was worried about Alex worrying.... the more you love someone - the more you bear their burdens too. Feeling the feelings of all of the members of my family wears me down.
A friend commented that "As mothers we are only as happy as our saddest child". (Dad counts there I believe)
So that's the rub - holding on to the happiness - and when it is fleeting - learning to be happy and trudge right through it anyway.
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