"Can of Worms" question. I have a couple of siblings. I was hoping to tackle this one at a time but, nothing does ever really go as planned now does it.
So, I have been contemplating lately what it would take to talk to all the members of my family more frequently.
It used to be that I could call home on a Sunday and spend the ENTIRE afternoon having short visits with EVERY family member. Often those phone calls would involve a fair amount of drama. Eventually, they all grew up and went away.
So say I only wanted to talk on the phone every other day, and every one else wanted to talk on the phone every other day.... Matt says if we worked out a chart we could each talk to each member of our family twice a month. Kinda makes my head spin.
So, I am the oldest of 7 - giving me 6 siblings. Be it known that as a youngster I felt that my position in the family held certain inalienable rights. I am the boss. You will listen to me. Ha Ha! Funny, as I have grown older I have often been surprised when my siblings look to me for leadership. I guess I forgot to send them the memo that I had relieved myself of my duties!
Liz - is 2 years younger. I never got along with her. Besides my penchant for leading by means of terror - I was a pretty quiet peace loving, non-wave making kind of girl. Learn how to play the game I always said - at least enough to make people think you're playing it right! Liz stood tall on the other side of the fence. If something made her mad, she said so. She stood up for herself. She made her opinions known. She didn't let anyone push her around or walk all over her. As little girls we would collect locust shells and make "soup", she would catch frogs and try to house them in little brick houses. Morning always met us with an empty frog house. Once when we were spending an evening with our cousins a rainstorm crept upon us. Word got out quickly that the rain had brought out the frogs in masses and our delightful older cousins Shawn and Stephen were outside collecting them with pitchforks. With Liz in tears, a few of us followed the trail of tragedy trying to scoop up frogs into our own buckets in an attempt to save them from mortal terror. Liz is beautiful. While she is still opinionated and bold - I think she has forgotten that she's not a doormat, and how awesome she really is. When I watch the relationship between my 2 daughters I think about me and Liz. I hope that I am able to help foster better things between my daughters .by learning from my own mistakes.
Lisa- is 4 years younger. That's younger enough that my memories of her are mostly of her as a tag-a-long or a whiner. I remember the 3 of us girls dancing together and wearing matching pajamas but a lot of that comes from pictures too. The greatest thing that could have happened for Lisa and I is that we had several chances to live together. The 1st was while my new husband was away for 4 month Army training. We were SO poor, we worked together to scrimp and finagle free meals from the guys in the kitchen. When hubby came home - Lisa went home too. A year later she came back and lived with us for 2 years. It was WONDERFUL! I became friends with her friends and we had a lot of fun together. We also had our separate lives and it was a good balance. Years later - after we were each married with several children her family moved to a town 2 hours away! We had the grandest couple of years visiting each other once a month - fabulous sleepovers, into the woods adventures, bird watching, late nights talking. Now that that we are once again states apart we each dream of one day living on a cul-de-sac together and ruling the neighborhood!
dan - is hmm, is 6 years younger? Most of my memories of Dan involve me being fearful for his life.
I remember him as a toddler standing on the piano bench trying to climb the piano. I remember him not much older RUNNING through our gravel front yard with bare feet as we watched in horror - he never seemed to notice. I remember when he was jumping trash cans with his bike with our neighbor Brigg.... when he came in gushing blood from gravel filled wounds he proclaimed with pride "I wiped out better than Brigg!". I remember when we were amazed that he was so tan - and after a while we realized that he was just REALLLLLLY dirty (he needed more than a bath - he needed a scouring pad). Dan has always been quiet. He would never talk to anyone. Growing up hasn't helped - we've kinda lost him to his own world. He is a fabulous skater and I am so impressed that he stays fit and puts so much hard work into his skateboard, ramps, and videos. The kids all adore him - In their eyes he is THE coolest uncle ever. Dan is kind and generous and loving and I'm not sure that he wants us to see that - but we do all the same!
Mike - is 15 years younger than me. Mike is a whirl wind, and energy, and BIG IDEAS, and I see trouble coming. Mike is vibrantly happy, and easily crushed. Mike dreams HUGE! Mike is so all or nothing that I think he makes his own head spin. He has a hard time settling for average happiness, he wants the real thing and he wants it now... The BIG job, with the BIG money, the car, the relationship, the LOVE. When he falls, he falls hard, and he has a hard time picking up the pieces. He doesn't want us to see him weak. He forgets that we all know that he is human! When Mike was born I was already in school - 1st hour science class, I was a freshman. Not long after he was born we moved to a new state. It was a hard time of life for my parents. I remember sitting around as a family listening to Mike laugh. His laugh was awesome, rolling, contagious. He kept us all so very happy. 2 years later found us moving once again to another state. Mike was near 3ish and he was my buddy. We would take walks together around the neighborhood and just talk about random things like bubble gum, bunnies, whatever words he knew. We had a very sweet relationship for a long time. Then he grew up. I miss when he trusted me and listened to me. I hope that he will find the courage to make the hard choices and be himself and be true to who he is meant to be - and that is FUN, and SMART and CREATIVE and A GO-GETTER!
Matt- is 16 years younger than me. I don't remember much about when Matt was born - except for the family home evening when our parents showed us the ultrasound picture and we were all like - seriously guys? You know how this happens right? Mike and Matt became double trouble quickly. Matt was always the more serious one. He studied things intently and had great ideas. He liked to figure out how to make things work - and work better than they used to. He spent some time on the city planning commission for a while when he was a pre-teen. After he had made some suggestions on how to improve the roads in a certain part of town, and they liked his ideas, they put him to work! Matt is married and has a sweet little girl. He works really hard and takes good care of his family. He doesn't talk to us anymore though. We have some ideas about the reasons, but for the most part we don't understand.. We support him in his efforts to support his wife and her feelings. BUT WE MISS YOU MATT! We miss seeing your baby girl grow up. We miss knowing how you are. We will always love you, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!
Heather - is 20 years younger than me. She was born after I left home for college. She was 1 1/2 when I got married and was a very sweet little flower girl. For many, many years I would forget about her. Going home once or twice a year didn't help me to get to know her any better and she just wasn't a part of my life. Over a few recent summers Heather stayed with us for a few weeks and we talk on the phone now much more often yet still not often enough. She is super de duper smart, and very pretty. She often has 2 dates on a Saturday and seems to make friends quickly. She seems to have goals for herself for now and for the future which is cool. I am excited to see what she is going to do with her life.
dear siblings ...
We spent our child hoods in such a hurry to get out of the house that I don't think we enjoyed being a big family. It is a shame that in this part of our lives - when we are older and we all want to be together - that we just don't GET TO be together often. There have only been a few times when we've had a girls night as sisters, we've never ALL gone out together as siblings. 2 summers ago we managed a Siblings picture with all 7 of us. That was the last time I saw Matt.
Dear siblings, I wouldn't send any of you back. You make my life better for being you. I miss you. I am sorry I am not a better sister and friend. I am sorry that I tried to shirk my duties as lead sibling. I am sorry that I never realized that I could make you guys laugh when we were younger. I love you ALL. Even if you are all cuter, and skinnier and have better hair than me!!!!!
What I liked about your post is that you obviously put thought into the description of each of your siblings. I really feel as though I have gotten to know each one individually.
ReplyDeleteDo you think that by writing about each one as you did, you may have discovered some things about them that you may not have realized or had forgotten?
I am the oldest of six. I related to your reaction to Matt's ultrasound. I remember thinking "oh no, not again" when I was told about the impending birth of my youngest sister, Marie.