Artistic Parenting - A Rambling

At TOFW .... Michael Mclean talked about his mother - how she always said that the only thing missing from life was background music. I love that. I've always said that see life like a movie - I always imagine a dramatic score and just the right music to go along with a thought, a feeling or a moment. So I totally hear you Mrs. Mclean! I hear it too! I guess that is why I LOVE making Smileboxes and Home Video's put to music. Several years ago I did a really cool Christmas movie and I love the one I did for our 10th anniversary - both can bring me to tears in a heartbeat. By our 10th anniversary we were in a rough patch - just preparing to move to St Louis, among other lovely things, and it took some prayer and courage to even make the darn video (I am stubborn and try to hard to hang on to my anger). So it truly is a blessing to have been able to have the music, the pictures and the memories.

S'il j'avais vecu dans le soixante annes je serais un hippie.

(Background: All These Years by Sawyer Brown)
After all these years I don't know if I have spelled any of that correctly. It is a sentence that I memorized back in college French class to help me remember how to write in the past-tense - the passe compose.

Not so long ago my visiting teaching companion said to me... well you are kind of like a hippie aren't you? I was a little taken back by her statement - I still haven't really asked her what it is about me that would make her think that. I have, however, always had just a little different approach to life and parenting and all those things. I have often joked that if I had lived in the sixties I would have been a hippie.

Lately I have been pondering (aka: stressing, worrying, tearful questioning) my place in life. I know that all mothers go through this from one time to another - so I guess this is my time... but a girl just starts to wonder "don't I have some greater purpose than to scrub toilets and pick up clutter?" We haven't even entered the taxi mom stage of life yet! Still I wonder! If I wasn't watching extra kids, and with my girls being in school 1/2 time, and no babies in sight, what would I be doing? In 2 years when they are in school full time - what will I do?

I know I want to go back to school eventually and study Clinical Psychology - so that is a good place to start.

I mean I believe in the plan of salvation and that I am a child of God. I feel His presence in my life daily and I understand my purpose in a broad sense. I guess it is a sign of my immaturity to wonder and doubt. I love the job that I have been given, that I have choosen, I love being a mother. It is just really, really, hard. I don't know how a person can even be prepared enough for being a mother. I love my girls so much - I adore them! But it gets boring, monotonous, and old. I get stir crazy, selfish, and I want time for me!

Well my dear, dear husband in response to my insanity wrote me this amazing email....

..... As for what you are meant to do. Isn’t it obvious? You will always be an artist in my mind. You are not meant for the business world, nor are you meant to keep your house spotless like the Jones' or the Smiths'. You are meant to bring fun and wonderful things to this world. Our daughters, your music, your blog, your writing, your wit and humor, your love for all things alive (most things anyway). You are a mom in the most real sense of the word there is. You are a wonderful wife that doubles as a personal shrink. You are a true friend .... You are an inspiration to all those moms that have everything put together on the outside, but are a mess on the inside. You are BECCA. I have always wondered at how you do so much, are so patient, and love so completely.

I guess I have always looked at myself and the silly little things I do as well, silly - and I keep on trying to keep up with everyone else around me when I am not like everyone else around me.

I am a home body. I love to have my house decorated beautifully, clean as a whistle, and be home to enjoy it. Too bad that doesn't happen! I love to throw a party - I hate to be the host! I understand people and I am much more likely to analyze them than I am to know how to talk to them (although I am getting better).

I believe whole heartedly in the power of the mind of a child and I am hard on myself for not doing more to grow my daughters minds.

I believe in being honest and open with my children: teaching them to understand, respect and to not be ashamed of their bodies.... teaching them the words to tell me how they feel, what they want, understanding for themselves what they need and what their feelings are telling them.

I want to hear - Mom you make me angry. I tell them -always- that you can still love someone when you are angry at them, even if they are your best friend, they can still be your best friend when you are mad. I love that my girls can say to me - MOM STOP YELLING!!! that they can say the things that I couldn't ever say.

I believe that life is precious - all life - even those darn ol' nasty creepy crawly things that could make me hide under the covers and not move a muscle for an entire night - I believe they all have a right to live (just not in my house) or better yet, that I don't have the right to take away a life.

Most people wouldn't let their daughters watch themselves be born on video, or live with 6 of the 9+ cats they rescued from a feral cat colony. Would most moms feed them large wads of gum and spend the afternoon together dancing and singing Karaoke? I don't know, maybe they would.

(Background: I Hope You Dance by Leann Womak)
All I know is that I think my dear husband may be right. In many senses I am an artist. I paint, I draw, I decorate, I digi scrap and I digi create, I write stories, poems and blogs, I compose music, I write songs, I dance, I sing and all of it - every last bit of it - I bring into my style of parenting.

What else... well I have a friend who will get after her kids "is this car stopped? No. So your seatbelt should not be off!" Where I tend to take the opposite approach... do you see us
approaching the top of our street or what? Take that seat belt off and be ready to jump when the car rolls into the driveway."

Or meal times.... with 2 hypoglycemic children and 1 hypoglycemic husband I have learned that sometimes what matters most is the stabilization of bloodsugar! So, YES, I have many times let my children eat a package of fruit snacks before even touching a vegetable!!!! On the flipside - my girls know.... NO NAKED CARBS! We always eating a protein with our sugar.

Heck last night was kids choice night - so for dinner they had Parmesean noodles with chicken, mini pancakes with syrup, applesauce and a piece of cheese.

I also love to have a meal of just dips!
Carrots and Celery with ranch - Apple slices to dip in peanut butter - Chips and Salsa - Strawberries with Whipped Cream (or chocolate)

And finally, the best, best, best part of being a poor newly wed. We had no kitchen table. We had no stools for the bar. So we sat at the sofa in the living room and ate dinner while we watched tv. I would bring over the pot, a pot holder and 2 spoons and say dig in! Oh Matt had a hard time with it, at first. I just reminded him ... "soon we will have children and we will have to teach them manners and be good examples and all that hogwash, so now is our chance to break all the stupid rules that don't really matter - and besides - less dishes!"

(Background: Gentle by Michael McLean)
So I guess the moral of the story is that I am still in the process of getting used to being me.

I have been directed at several times in my life - and once very recently - to develop my talents - specifically my writing. I guess I am blessed to have so many things that I can do - that I can turn to for pleasure, purpose and fulfilment. I beat myself up for doing the things I enjoy - and that is silly.

Sorry to any of you readers who may have had to cringe - or look away - at my descriptions of ridiculousity - but to those of you who know me well I am sure you are nodding and laughing and saying yep, that's Becca.

Head in the clouds chasing birds, petting a cat who thinks I am his blood mother, children surrounding me, artistic endeavors ooozing out my ears, falling into bed at night into my sweeties arms - sound asleep before my heart can beat another beat.... Happy to be me.


(bet ya $1000.00 that I don't feel this way on Wednesday... gulp.)