writing prompt #1 Tell us about your mother

Foreword:
I have signed up to write a post a day for the month of February. I think it is through a blog within a blog or a guest writer on the Blogher blog might be more accurate. It is called NaBloPoMo. I don't know what it means or why it is called that. The challenge provides a monthly theme with writing prompts. Since I am currently working to both improve the quality of my blog and the quality of my writing it seemed like a good fit to me.

February 2012 Theme is: RELATIVE 

Writing prompt #1: Tell us about your mother.


 My mother is a quiet woman. Although members of my family would disagree, I argue that being the mother of seven and living a hard life can make you often into someone who is not simply not yourself. Growing up I could not begin to understand my mother. Truthfully what child wants to? As a child we just want to be safe to play and imagine and be able to come back to mom every now and then for a hug. As a mom and a somewhat more grown up woman I understand my Mom as I live through bits and pieces of what her life must have been like. Having babies, and difficult husbands, bodies changing, budgets shrinking, and just watching my children growup, it all opens my eyes.

 She doesn't talk about her life growing up. We know little stories about snow and Christmas trees and trains. We know she came to Arizona from the east. We know she misses real hoagies. Someday I'm going to take her back and eat one with her. I don't know if she hated her childhood and can't talk about it. Or maybe something traumatic happened. Maybe she thinks we don't have any interest. Maybe it doesn't cross her mind to talk about it and we should just ask. It is obvious that social norms were different when she was younger.

 She has always indicated a strong preference for strict privacy regarding personal matters. I know many women around her age that seem to feel the same way. Maybe it worked then. I can also see how silence leaves women trapped and scared. It is ironic that I feel very much the opposite. I feel it is so vital to be open and honest with our children about their bodies and morality. Not open in a rude or irreverent way but just truthful and direct. Also, open and honest with the people that matter in our lives about what's really happening in our lives. I have friends with whom I have been able to share some of my deepest struggles. Sharing opens the doors so that they can come to me in time of need as well. On the flip side I have friends who I know are going through the same struggles as me, who refuse to talk about it. I have a good friend who I've known for 16 years now, I know that we were brought together to support each other, but she can't do it, she can't talk about it. Ultimately keeping to yourself because of pride, fear, trying to keep shameful secrets, it all just leads to loneliness, the worst kind of loneliness.

 Ok so I got up on my soap box. I told myself I was going to write with out deleting except for gross spelling or errors - so, I'm sticking to it.

 My mom, I remember her singing, it was lovely. I remember how sweet she was when we were sick. I love how she loves my children. She is a great cook, and she loves to cook. Obviously thats not genetic. She always tried her very best to make things nice for us, out of little. I love that I can talk about the kids and she laughs and sighs and I feel like she is right there with me watching their antics. That is a wonderful feeling. I wish she could believe in Herself more and get out there and make her life happen, no more waiting for someone or something else. (ditto for myself)

 More than anything I wish she were closer, a couple thousand miles between us is just too far away.