The Birds and The Bee's Talk

A few weeks ago as Izzy and I were waiting for an elevator at our hotel in Colorado - Isabel said to me...

"I know how animals mate, they climb on each other and sometimes get attached, like dogs. I wonder how humans do it, but I know it's not like dogs."

Since we had just eaten breakfast and only been awake less than 30 min - I was beyond shocked and ill prepared for her random comment.

Previous to this comment I had decided that we would be talking soon anyway - because I feel that there are some basic things she needs to know. I also feel that she should understand our families rules and beliefs about those things before she get's baptized at the age of 8.  I also hear so much about what other kids are doing and saying even in 1st 2nd and 3rd grade - that I know that innocence is something you really only get until you are 5ish or so, or if you never go in public.

I guess most of Isabel's knowledge has come from her extensive watching and reading of nature and animals.  Like her favorite road trip movie "Baby Animals in the Womb".  (watched it 3 times each coming and going!)

So, the other day as we were making play time plans she expressed her disappointment in not being able to go  to her desired location.  I told her that it was because one of the members of our group had "the red" and wasn't able to go.  She immediately asked if that person was sad that she wasn't having a baby.

Because we were alone I knew this was the moment.  So I took the plunge and began to ask questions to find out what she knew.  Surprisingly (or not) she knew all the names of the body parts: ovaries, eggs, sperm, p~nis etc. and that of thousands of sperm it is a fight for that one sperm to meet the egg.  She just really didn't know how humans made it all happen.

So, this is what I told her.

Remember how I've told you that it's important that mommy and daddy have time often to snuggle together so that we stay loving each other - just like mommy and daddy try to snuggle with you girls a lot so that you always feel loved?  Well, mating in humans happens just like they talk about with animals - the males p~nis has to get inside the female so that the sperm can get in there and find the egg.

When a husband and wife mate it is like an extra special snuggle time.  Those special snuggles are not appropriate between anyone else - they are just for husband and wife.  Then we talked a little bit about how it is special and enjoyable and lots of people trying to get those special snuggles before they are married but, that Heavenly Father planned it to be a special gift that Husband and Wife have only when they are married.  That Satan tempts us often to use good things in a bad way. I encouraged her as she see's things in her life to talk to me about it so we can figure out if it is ok or not.

Then she said "well how come I never see you and daddy mate?" Oh geez!  So, I told her it was private and special and no one should ever watch humans mate and that animals have a different set of rules.  She understands that because she understands animals survival needs, migration, nesting, etc.  I like that she knows the real words like "Period" and "Sex" but that we have our own words like "the red" and "special snuggles" - that are easier to describe even to Alex if needed - and they seem less scientifically harsh.

Overall I am grateful that I have been able to be open with her from the very, very beginning - it made our conversation very natural and NOT AT ALL UNCOMFORTABLE.  I have heard from other parents and a therapist that continued, respectful and honest openness empowers them with comfort and confidence in their teenage years - and I want that for my children.  I know one very respected family who has and is living with these positive results through their children's teenage years.

I know this is just the beginning and there are many more parts of this topic to cover - but I feel good about how it is going so far.